Pass me the nuts, would you?

Alcoholics are often looked down upon as vile and demented creatures, forming that ignominious stratum of society we could do without.  The basis of such common hatred is founded in the dislike so cordially cultivated by the "raging non-alcoholics", who consider it beneath their value set to even smell the vapours of a wine bottle for fear of  corrupting the soul and being sentenced to eternal damnation!  Defamed to the point where even social drinking at times is considered taboo, us alcohol friendly lot have been judged time and again, much to our annoyance.  There is simply no reprieve from the condescending eye of the mocktail-sipper bending her head slightly to the side and bobbing it sideways disapproving of every gulp of beer and sip of whisky.


It is time we gave the same people a piece of our mind! It is time we united and spoke up! Any one of us with even the slightest shred of appreciation for the spirits would know how important those little crisp nuts, or fries are to the overall sumptuousness of the drink and the mood.  A nibble here and there, a sip of single malt scotch, a slight shake swirl of the glass, a sip again and a small nibble again.  Imagine the grace of a dimly lit bar, you mounted on a barstool, both elbows on the counter, holding the glass between your palms, moving it from side-to-side, offering the charming girl across the counter an occasional glance.  The guitar strumming in the background, a gentility in the atmosphere setting the mood to enter into a trance. 


Enter, the mocktail-sipper.


They ask for a menu!  The blasphemy, the indignity, the abomination of actually walking up to the bartender and making that rectangle in the air and mouthing the word "menu" without actually troubling your vocal chords!  Fine. Pardonable.  You just do not know your mocktails, not that you have a lot of choices anyway. That is not any of my business.  Go ahead, order what you think makes you look chic enough, but don't forget the small red umbrella and cherry on the side that'll surely shrink the ego of certain parts of you not worth mentioning here. ;-) 


You move to a table, with your drink, far from the madding crowd, to appreciate the live band, if not just to soak in the serenity and slowness around.  The high-on-life hooting brigade follows your happiness around and decides to set up camp right next to you.  The bartender very carefully places the bowl of crisp nuts right next to your drink.  Ah, I missed you salty-little-drops-of-heaven!  Nibble, nibble, crunch, swivel, sip, sip, nibble.  As you turn away, there at the corner of your eye, a shadow approaches, with five hideous pointed shears, painted a bright pink, or a vomit-inducing white, grabbing a fist full of nuts. I slowly turn in their direction, and as if in slow motion watch the little nuggets of bliss get brutally crushed and ground between their teeth, chatting away while grinding them into mulch.  I watch them in utter disgust as they grab another handful, chomping away letting out short burps, doing whatever justice they are capable of to the nuts.


Do not mistake me.  I am a sharer.  No qualms about people lifting food off my plate to get a quick taste.  But nuts, that's a different story.  Its something we alcohol-lovers cherish, something we are entitled to, and to watch a judgmental prick literally CHEW it all to waste is just heart-breaking.  


So the next time you ask the guy next to you, "Pass me the nuts, would you?", remember, there just might be one who having had enough would just say, "No."


PS: The worst part is am friends with the mocktail-sippers! ;-P