The Bean Bag Conspiracy

Spewed all over the city, cropping up on walls with a different number every time, the same message - Bean Bag 2462 8943 or some other random number. We used to be boggled every time we drove past one, why would bean bags be advertised?  Its not like graffiti ever became the "hip" thing in India! All we have managed over the years is "dekho yahan gadha moot raha hai" or similar variations of the same message. To imagine that the same messengers would paint "Beanbag" was by far a long shot - you seriously have to be kidding telling me that they could even comprehend the word 'Beanbag' - even a 5th grader from a municipality school would be unaware of the existence of such a concept, let alone the vocabulary. Anyway, that is a moot point now.  


Still unaware, the mystery of the Beanbag eluded us. Building up theories didn't help much either, by way of guessing we just gave curiosity wings. We grew fidgety. Guesses were ventured, three guys from few of the good B-schools in India had to opine - ranging from "viral marketing" to "recall value", the bullshit never stopped flowing. Any remotely sane explanation was discarded for want of a brilliant reason that would make us hold the entire concept in awe and appreciate the creativity behind it. To have our hopes dashed with a mundane revelation was unconceivable. So we persisted, plying away to seek the elusive.


Mischief struck one day. We decided to make the call, but which number do we call? When do we call? What do we say? It was easy to reach a unanimous vote on making that call, but how do we make smalltalk, not calling it anything else for want of limited vocab. Nobody volunteered their phones, neither of us wanted to talk either. The idea just appeared so shady, a widespread public advertisement done in amateur paintwork - what was the catch? We pulled straws. I was saved. Number dialed, we waited while the ring reverberated across the entire room, pin drop silence, loudspeaker on.  


Voice (female): Hello.
Nervous frenzy (male): Err .. hu hu .. hullo ..
Voice (cracking up a little): How may I help you?
Nervous frenzy (a sweat breaking lose): Umm .. I .. no we .. want a beanbag .. kitna hoga?
Voice (firm as ever): Oh, well that depends sir, what exactly are you looking for?
Sigh of relief (realising it is a beanbag co.): Something soft and sturdy I guess - what sizes do you have?
Voice (elated at the proposition of a confirmed customer): Well sir we have everything for your needs.  Soft and sturdy - which make sir?
Confused: Err .. umm .. what is the best one you have? What is the rate? I want the ones which are like really soft - in which you can like just sink in ..
Voice (reassuring): Haan haan sir, the best we have right now .. sir aapko kab tak chahiye?
Confident: Kab tak? *whispers heard in the background* Arre aaj hi de do!
Voice (proposing, quizzically): Oh.  Sir today only Philippines is available.  If you wait, we can get you a Russian tomorrow.
Proud: Why ok! We will wait till tomorrow then!
Voice (very businesslike now): Sir, may I get your address and phone number? Do you want the package to reach your place or would you make the pick-up yourself?  
The cool dude: Oh no no, YOU deliver it to me, customer is God you see! *winks to his friends for pulling that line off*
Voice (sealing the deal): Ok sir, do you want the services for one night or a longer period of time?
Unsure: Err .. longer .. is it rental basis kya? I want it for longer - resale value kitna hoga? *the typical miser in him to the fore*
Voice (laughing): Haha sir, resale nahi hota sir, but if you keep us busy for longer, we can surely make a discount, just for you *in a weirdly voluptuous tone*
Shaken Up: Thik hai, to lets make it for one night and if I like it, I will use it everyday, when should I pay? Can I pay with card?
Voice (laughing again): Sir, if you like calling us "it", we do not have a problem, but when she turns up, we hope you would be more polite.  Well sir, our "its" don't really carry a card reader, rokhda hi dena padega.
Almost-pees-his-pants: W .. W .. Wh .. Wha .. What *throat runs dry* - who "she" .. what is this number for? Beanbags?
Voice (cackling now): Yes sir, we all are beanbags - you can use us whatever way you want.  We will make you feel li--------------- *disconnected tone*


We all burst out laughing, rolling on the floor, holding our tummies. The only guy still shit scared is the one with the phone in his hands. Gasping for air, we ask him it was an adventure, what the f**k is he so worked up about?!  


Crapped-his-pants-for-sure: Yaar, I gave my actual home address and landline number - ab wahan call aaya to?


We died laughing!