At the hawai-adda

Its been quite some time since I last opened my laptop at an airport.  Its a happy-stance that I haven't felt the need to do so the last few times, more probably due to the last minute arrivals at the airport and having my name blared out on the public address system as a final call for boarding the flight.  This does not necessarily imply that I have set up shop with my laptop at airports in particularly convenient circumstances.  One can never forget the horrors of the 8 hour delay at Istanbul airport on my way to Venice, or the missed flight to Milan and the 5 hours spent at the freezing and rather dubious train station shivering, cursing.  This time though, I must say am very relaxed, earphones popped in, some of my favourite tunes playing, still 2 hours left for the flight depart, the airport virtually empty.  Only one complaint though, since I have been spoilt over the past few days, the air-conditioning isn't working here!

You might wonder at the sense of leaving for the airport almost 2.5 hours before departure.  Some of people who are close to me opine that I am a control freak, well agreed, but seriously even I am not paranoid enough to leave so early on what is barely a 20-minute drive.  It started at 11:14 a.m. when I got a call from Mr. Satish at the front desk (ACTUAL names have been used because I want the people referred here to know what impression they left on me, though the chance of anyone ever acknowledging the existence of this blog is remotely 0.1%).

Satish: Hullo Mr. Gupta this is Satish from the front desk.
Mr. Gupta: Well hullo Satish, good morning, how are you? (Okay fine I wasn't this polite, its just not in me to be that way, but you get the drift!)
Satish: Sir would you be checking out today?
Mr. Gupta: Yeah.
Satish: Okay sir.
Mr. Gupta: Ok, anything else or can I hang up?
Satish: Yes sir.
Mr. Gupta: Well .. umm .. fire away anytime you're ready.  (I swear I DID smile 'coz I was amused, and wasn't being cynical for a change)
Satish: Sir you had asked for a complimentary drop to the airport.  When do you want it?
Mr. Gupta: Why yes I did, I guess around 12:30 should be fine as my flight leaves at 2:30.

*Break.  I need to explain myself here.  It is not paranoia to reach the airport asap, but me being considerate of the fact that checkout is to be done around noon, which is why I asked for a drop at 12:30 and not late*

Satish: That is okay sir we understand, but your checkout is before 12, so please leave the room by then, your cab will be here at 12.
Mr. Gupta: *dumbstruck*
Satish: Ok thank you sir.
Mr. Gupta: *still dumbstruck wondering if he was just told to literally "LEAVE" the room by 12*

*Some time passes by*

Mr. Gupta: (12:02 p.m. at the front desk, handing over keys) Here you go, I'll be checking out now.
Satish:   Did you drink from the bar?
Mr. Gupta: What bar?
Satish: In your room.
Mr. Gupta: You gave me an empty fridge *you dumbfuck - that wasn't said out loud*
Satish: Hmm
Mr. Gupta: Hmm? What's that supposed to mean?
Satish: Nothing sir.  Did you take anything from the mini-bar - something to eat if not drink?
Mr. Gupta: Ok, I had nothing taken in or out of whatever secret corner the mini-bar was in.  The secret passageway was not revealed to me nor was the entry password.  *fine I did not say the secret passage line - you don't have to be SO particular as a reader - just enjoy the friggin' post!*
Satish: This is a feedback form sir, we hope you were happy with our service and will visit again
Mr. Gupta: Well on the whole I was pretty happy, especially the room.  But explain something to me if you can.  How many rooms do you have?
Satish: Well sir around 25 on each floor, so umm 100 and more.
Mr. Gupta: Okay, and of these how many are occupied?
Satish: Around 23.
Mr. Gupta: And how many checking out today?
Satish: I guess 4 or 5.
Mr. Gupta: So tell me my dear fellow, what are the chances of 81 different customers, all wanting separate rooms coming in at the same time and flooding your desk? While you're at it, also calculate the chances of someone wanting room number 403, which neither faces the Central mall, nor is it in one of the comfy nooks and crannies of the hotel.  When you're done with the calculations, key in the amount of time required to clean up a room after checkout.  To this, add the  amount of electricity you save if the guest is out of the room for around half an hour.  Now add the probabilities and multiply it to the two cost I just told you.  That is the amount you saved by asking me to leave at 12 sharp and not a minute later.  Now from this "saved costs", deduct the following one by one:

1. The tip I would have left the guy who carried my luggage downstairs
2. The tip I would have left the guy who served me well at the cafeteria all three days I asked for special food while I was ill.
3. The generous donation I would have made to the fishbowl you have here labeled "Staff benefit"
4. The room rent for 5 days I would have stayed here the next time am coming down in June.
5. The above tips all over again.
6. The donation one more time.

Now repeat these calculations multiple times over the next few months as we would be making corporate trips to Indore on a continued basis.  What does the figure come out to? *short pause* Arre, you stopped calculating! 

Satish: Sirrr ..

Mr. Gupta: My dear friend, irrespective of what the hotel guidelines say, always remember that you are in the service industry.  Serve with a smile and keep in mind that you can forego the little nuances, if it means giving your customer a memorable experience and exceptional service.  Watch Rocketsingh if you haven't already. *I think I should become brand ambassador for that movie the amount I have quoted it over this trip*

Satish: Extremely sorry for the inconvenience sir, but .. 

Mr. Gupta: Never mind laddy, keep it in mind next time .. (LADDY?!?! I know, I was thinking the same too, what did I take him for, an 8 year-old boy and me a 50 year-old hag, and am not Scottish for heaven's sake!! And yes I now agree that the Rocketsingh reference was way too corny even for my style!)

Just to be clear on my stance, I ended up giving the tips and though the donation to the fishbowl wasn't generous, I made it nevertheless.  The generosity was more to scare him than to actually go through with.

Now at the airport, I wonder if I was too hard on the bloke.  Ah bugger, I hate afterthoughts and introspection.  Its way better to just draw a blank and forget.  Egad, didn't realise the crowd's grown since I started writing.  Okay call for security check .. will continue after a short break ..