The Inner Circle.

Before we have any wisecracks associating this post with the membership card for "Lifestyle" chain of stores, shut up !! This post comes as a direct consequence of an anomaly - a useful lecture from a totally unexpected fraudulent subject. Different holy and spiritual scriptures have defined models for "liberation of the self", be it the Upnishads for Hinduism, teachings from Confucius or the Holy Bible. It might seem tacky at first to deal with the subject on the basis of religion, but consider this preaching more along the lines of philosophy. Though interpretations differ, we realise that the ultimate actualisation is a series of concentric circles, starting with the outer one depicting societal expectations, the middle one as the familial obligations and finally the inner one - self satisfaction.

We often confuse the word "satisfaction" with "success", though in our defense, nobody can really provide an indisputable distinction. I won't foray into discussing the finer points of the dividing line, now will I attempt to define satisfaction. I figure that the concept is subjective and unique to every individual, and it makes more sense for the reader to see this post through that prism of definition personal to him, so that he can refract the message enough to make sense to him. On a lighter note, am not being sexist in using "him", the reality is, I doubt my blog has any feminine avid readers. :)

Multitude of decisions taken during our lifetimes always have to undergo the test against our conscience and practicality, which we naively term as the quest between "the intellect and the heart". Most common amongst these is our career, whether we ought to pursue our dreams, whether we ought to earn enough to fulfill our obligations to people who matter most to us, and loads of other considerations. It becomes so easy to patronise someone to go after their dreams and own up to one's own desires, but when we face that same situation in our own lives, reality comes up with a smack right through the face, the right cheek goes red! It might be easy to act indifferent and forge ahead on the path of familial obligations, and it might be equally easy to put up a bolder front and disregard such sense of guilt and go after something you desire, uncaring about the returns you get. Unfortunately, it is not taking the stance which becomes the problem, it is the consequence of taking that step forward, unknowingly walking into unexplored territory which makes us so conscious of our decisions, and we are wrought into indecision and ambiguity. We lose sight of what makes sense and get tangled in the question of "what am I supposed to do?"

This question spells doom. When you start asking that question to others, realise that you have given up on the possibility of coming up with an answer on your own. It is at this point in time that we need to realise that where we stand now is the Inner Circle - where all that matters is our satisfaction. Neither path is wrong. Neither is correct. It is all a matter of knowing and feeling comfortable with what you do. It is easier said than done. I agree. We may regret in the future, we might smile, for the decisions we took in our present. The key is to understand that we are responsible for our future, yes, but we equally owe it to our present to be worth living as well. Our pursuit for happiness takes so much out of our lives that we end up overlooking the fact that our happiness in the "now" is what projects in the future.

Am not immune to this dilemma, which is what brought me to write here today. My passion is in stark conflict with my obligation, but am not seeking salvation, or the enlightenment to realise the middle path. What am looking for that feeling inside my head that tells me "This is what you wanted, go for it".