How to flunk the sling ;)

They say it rained crazy on Friday night, thunder struck and the streets of Singapore didn't get a reprieve from the constant downpour. Little would I know after falling asleep like a baby with an aching butt after the workout at the gym. Rise and shine Saturday morning, a workout at the gym, a glass full of milk and a yummy chocolate to munch on, was followed by a warm shower, and of course yours truly giving challenge to the winners of American Idol :)

Got into my Quiksilver red t-shirt and black shorts and a 'voila twinkle in the eye' as I looked into the mirror giving a thumbs-up. On my way to the island I figured it'd be better to grab a quick bite, never know this place just might in keeping with its tradition not allow me to eat anything on the way :( Enter Bread Toast - no its a chain of bakeries, course I wouldn't go for JUST a toast - sheesh ! A cheese boat and a blueberry puff it was with home-made iced lemon tea. For the uninitiated, home-made refers to the fact that it was made there and then, and had the engaging aroma to it a whiff of which would send you on a spin. Bollocks to the rules, I happily munched my way to the MRT station exit en route the cable car to Sentosa Island. Now I'm not a cynic, well at least not in the true sense of the word - bet there must be a pair of eyes going gol-gol right now ;) - but there is just so much that you can resist yourself from ridiculing. If the person with you actually walks up to the ticket window and asks for the return timing of the cable car, and on being replied to as 11 o'clock, actually asks "am or pm" there is no way in hell that I'd keep my mouth shut! For heaven's sake people, its 9 in the morning, how can the last cable car due back be in just 2 hours ?! Anyways, there we were letting out ooh's and aah's as we saw the Singapore skyline, a vague outline which we christened as Indonesia and Malaysia on either side, more so to feed our ego of having seen such a feature rather than the truth itself - in short, we know crap what those islands were :P

Getting off the cable car, we ambled into the courtyard, where we met Jeremy, our tour guide. Yes, like three ol hags we'd taken a guided tour for the first two hours, however, I would like to mention that I was STRICTLY against it - but alas, when money talks, you shut up :P I swear if I'd not known him to be a tour guide, I'd have definitely thought Jeremy was high on coke or crack. The enthusiasm these people exude while showing you around just induces that excitement in you, hell you'd even be amazed on spotting a caterpillar on the sidewalk. The first stop was the underwater aquarium - yeah I know you're probably wondering what's so special about fish swimming around? Consider this now - a sting ray with a tail that spans 2 m, another sting ray that almost jumps up from out of the water to bite your nose off if you get too close, fish that look as if reincarnated from fossils, crabs - including the world's largest Japanese crab on display, a tunnel with water on three sides, where you can literally see how a sting ray's bottom actually resembles a man's face! Still not impressed I see - well, ever taken up a starfish in your hand and dangled it around in a pool of water, or have you ever patted a sting ray on the tail, tingling its skin softly, or ever tried catching hold of a small fish and NOT letting it slip away? Ah but beware, I save the best for last - ever caught hold of a SHARK ?! Eyup, you read that right, no need to rub your eyes again and blink like a cartoon ;) Well the other two twits with me were too chicken to try it out and weaseled out of it, their loss, well apart from yours too - too bad you all ain't in Singapore :P

Next show was the Cineblast - a simulation theatre with 4-D effects, not just 3-D but the fourth dimension was "feeling" - not my words, that's how corny a line Jeremy came up with to have the tourists swooning ;) Up til this point, just like devout Indians we had made sure we got the best part of the deal and stuck close with Jeremy to catch every detail along the way. But alas, hunger struck, and as always the two dimwits got hungry, so went into a store to get some chips. Result - we were at the back of the queue and the last ones before the audi got full - argh ! But Jeremy to the rescue again - and he led us to the third attraction, promising us to make sure we were back in time to enjoy the 4-D ride soon after. This part is the movie theatre - another 4-D gimmick. A kid's movie, on pirates, it had a few effects - not so great but I liked the parts where they spray water at the back of your neck from the seat to make you tingle, and the bees' sound effects and 3-D motion as if they were just about to sting you, slimy crabs crawling all over your feet as you got more nauseous. After the 10-minute feature presentation, during which the entire time one of the nincompoops could not keep his mouth shut and kept cribbing about having wasted money on the movie - think he was expecting a "star trek" experience.

Anyhoo, moving on, we made it back before time, and were again at the head of the queue for the simulation game. Crunch, munch, crackle, crumble as the pigs ate and dropped crumbs on the floor stepping on them and making a mess. A word of advice now - if ever per chance you end up going to such a show, NEVER sit between two idiots! It was an amazing show, we were basically logs who were being thrown around in the Himalayas, ending up in the Amazon river, attacked by crocs, chopped with sharp edges, thrown into free fall off cliffs - boy was that fun. Wondering where the catch is? Well, the moron to my left sang "Maahi Ve" from the Hindi movie "Kaante" the whole goddamn fucking time, and the freak to my right was mimicking my ooh's and aah's to the extent that he was moving around his seat for no reason - if the simulation threw us forward, he'd overdo it with a sideways jerk too - come on man - one plus one free offer does not go for simulation rides - jeez. Fumes would be coming off the top of my head if I'd been a cartoon.

There was still time for the Dolphin show, so we decided to go along the dragon trail instead. A circular walk around the western half of Sentosa, the trail was inspiring, not to forget the fact that we discovered a dragon carcass ;) Got up on a fountain, polluted it with our feet, splashed some water and of course the all time favourite, singing out loud till your voice breaks off :P There's a lot to say bout the walk, but I guess the snaps we took there would say more than the words I might put in here :)

Finally, the star attraction of the day - the dolphin show was about to begin. A poppy and his son - am talking about the dolphins now - were the one showing off their antics. First to start off a wave of the fin to say "hello", followed by a clean jump through the hoops. Standard issue dolphin shows right? Ah but there's more, ask the dolphin how many fish it wants - one - a shake of the head - two - another shake - the whole box - a nod and boy were they happy to see a box full of fish thrown into the sea :P Two people from the audience were called down into the water - I raised my hand but as always didn't get picked :( The dolphins swam around them, grabbed fish off their hands, let 'em pat their back, and last of all, gave them such a cute lil peck on the cheek. There;s more that happened during that show, but I'd spare you the details.

Such a wonderful day commanded a signature sign-off for the day - my idea of the cool breeze blowing, sitting on the deck of a dark open bar on the beach on an easy-chair, sipping on some cool beer, shirt open and a wonderful gal right next to you ;) I wouldn't say we didn't do any of the above, but do read on to see how the dream was stripped apart and shred into pieces by the two assholes with me (they got promoted to that status after what follows :) ). We ended up at an Indian bar-cum-restaurant, sitting on uncomfortable high chairs, ordering a Singapore sling, on which one of the idiots got drunk, onion bhajia - that came out like slimy onions wrapped in paper, and to top it all off songs from Hindi movies playing - the kind where the hero dances around a tree calling out for the heroine to come and join him. And you wondered why during the entire post I called those jerks names :P

The sling was awesome though, apparently not the real thing I've been told, but a visit then to the southern most tip of Asia, and a few playful brattiness tricks on the beach got me right back on track as we got back onto the cable car on our way back, the sun setting in the west - a day well spent - a time worth having :)

PS Too bad if you all missed out on Singapore till now !