I just wanna feel
Am back after a short break, but it seems ages since i visited my blog and scribbled something down. Guess the human fallacy of attention took over my craving for writing for a moment :P Doesn't matter as long as I know that the things I wrote down are a reflection of me and can help me realise what and why I am. Its hardly ever bothered me what the people around me thought of the way I am, but recently such a turn of events has occurred that has forced me into a shell, a sort of protective shield I've built around myself to stay at a distance from the issues rather than being the true me and standing upto them. I don't want to blame any factor for whatever changes have taken place in my life recently, despite knowing how much i hate change. Well a reason I can't blame anything is that one of those changes is a pretty welcome one and I mean when I say 'pretty' ;-) Yet in all this merriment there's a looming disappointment and a strangling tension that tugs at me every now and then. I have disappointed two of my best friends - Pramod and Mani for reasons I never could have dreamt about. Though I don't want to sound like a total arsehole but I guess am not entirely at fault here. And believe me my friends are not at fault AT ALL.
Am at crossroads where the usually decisive me has been torn into indecision because I had always used my logic approach to tackle the problems I faced, but now the situation is different - its about compassion, trust, friendship and lots more. A lot is at stake and I doubt the prowess of my brain to be able to deal with all these variables at once in a structured and defined way. Its a matter of the heart and true emotion, all I ask for is the feeling to know what to do and what not to .... coz I just wanna feel :-) I know I ought not to have taken names but my sense of guilt is driving me raving mad, and its not so much the fact that I did something wrong that makes me guilty but the very fact that both of 'em never expressed any anger or emotion over the matter is what makes me fall into the abyss even further down. I know I may sound a pathetic prick here who didn't value what he has, but had that been so I would never have had the guts to come up with this post in the very first place.
Spineless - I am not - for I know how hard it may be to expect from someone and not get the same in return, yet the very concept of expectation is what defines the strength of the realtionship. I know a lot of people may disagree, however, its my perspective and take on life and I welcome anyone to comment otherwise, though I highly doubt that happening (am not a girl u see ;-) )
I have been rambling on for a long time now, so I guess I shall cease to bore you from here on (lol - you didn't think I was serious did ya ? Will always keep putting you to sleep through my posts :P ). Am feeling a bit down at the moment, couldn't get to speak with any of the friends I tried calling, but nonetheless, at least visited my blog as an excuse :P. Hoping for some comments .... ahh screw it .... not expecting a lot from anyone :D
4 comments:
Something i learnt through my life "expectations reduces the joy"...so dont expect and when u get it without that expectation..it wud be million times worth more.No idea why i typed in that but makes sense.
Trifles and this ":(" are a part of life...you gotto look thru these walls and peek into the otherside.coz u and me know that..."losing moments of today in sadness for the unknown tomorrow is going to cost you your SMILE". Thats expensive i think....so watever maybe it be!U will find a way to deal with it. Give it time..."time heals" isnt it!!!
There is a drastic change in the style you write, seems like you began to use your "aortic pump":) rather than only your "gray cells". Keep it up...love reading your blog.
"yet the very concept of expectation is what defines the strength of the relationship".I don't agree with this fact. I feel expectation is the weakness of the weakness of relationship.still we can't stop accepting because we are human and this is innate nature of human.
About changes: There is a long road ahead.You can't be the same person always.You have to change with time.
Be relaxed and do whatever you wanna do.that's more important.If people can't understand you or your feelings.they just don't deserve you..
It is fine till relationships drive commitments but when commitments drive realtionship, that's the beginning of downfall of relationship.
Take it easy, be relaxed man and once again I will say do whatever you want.
Wish you good luck,
"yet the very concept of expectation is what defines the strength of the relationship".I don't agree with this fact. I feel expectation is the weakness of the weakness of relationship.still we can't stop accepting because we are human and this is innate nature of human.
About changes: There is a long road ahead.You can't be the same person always.You have to change with time.
Be relaxed and do whatever you wanna do.that's more important.If people can't understand you or your feelings.they just don't deserve you..
When you feel unable to handle sth..just let it be the way it is. Time takes care of everything.
Reading your blogs has become part of my routine..So you can expect me to visit your blog and hopefully the first one also to comment on your blog, can't promise it but I will try to do that...
And please keep writing...I love to read your blogs, I can't tell you how much..
everyone knows you are good critic but now i know you have so many other qualities also[:p] as a writer, as an observer and as a philosopher[:d]..love to see you in philosophy mood..Imagine how interesting would it be to annoy you when you would be in mood of some philosophy...[:))]....
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