A composition inspired by 'Miss Misery'

I'll fake it through the day
With some help
from Johnny Walker red
Send the poisoned rain down the drain
to put bad thoughts in my head ..

Corrupting the soul
Have I lost control ?
Am I dreaming still
plummeting into the abyss

All the things that I feel
Etched in memories shall I keep
Without a tad of sorrow or regret
A place for my head ..

Lose yourself.

'Tis all a muddle !! .. A favourite quote of mine from Hard Times by Charles Dickens. Complexities of life and human nature complicate matters of significance as well as inconsequential affairs to varying proportions. Its upto the individual to regulate this effect and keep things under control. As I said in a previous post, more often than not, philosophy stands out as a solution to simplifying the thought process, or maybe complicating 'em for some ;-)

To this effect philosophy always provides questions that are often rhetorical but when they're not, it becomes even further complicated for most of us as we never want to ponder or delve into the depths of information we gather through our senses. As a driving force that draws material from all assets of life, philosophy assists an individual to acknowledge life as it is and stand out in third person and observe his/her life as it passes by every second.

Despite all these facets, philosophy presents a rather unruly face when it becomes a way of life. In such circumstances we tend to analyse and judge a lot, making it hard to let things go. Ponder and ponder for days we do, yet to only end up with a resolution that could have been arrived at without much ado. (if only it were so easy :P) Wouldn't equate philosophical analysis as cribbing necessarily but if it becomes long-drawn and dominates your thinking and perception rather than simply being an aid, then one has to stop and look at oneself from the outside to realise the futility of it all - or as in my case you can have a friend ask you sorry tell you to quit analysing every gawd damn thing on the planet and let go of stuff easily ;-)

Once you realise where to draw the line, an overwhelming sense of satisfaction and bliss takes control and you lose yourself in the serenity of the peace of your mind :-)

kAbhI aLViDa Na KehNa ;-)

Have been listenin' to the song for the umpteenth time now and jus' had to write in sth. Impulse has always been an issue with my actions .. always wanted to act spontaneously but neva could :P

Would like to dedicate this post to all my dearest friends whom I really miss staying so far away :( . Loneliness never bugged me in the past but the past 3 and a half years have brought to my life all the joy and spirit people thirst for all their lives and only the very lucky end up with sth as valuable as a friendship to last throughout life and even beyond. Have been blessed with so many friends and some of 'em so special that it pains me to recall the numerous occassions I have deliberately or unknowingly hurt their feelings .. a sense of guilt sets in and feel like an elephant's stuck in my throat - I know am very pathetic with the imagery .. but you get the point ;-)

It actually surprises me how much I miss being amongst them .. feel alienated. People say we engineers are hard-headed and square-faced people who just go abt their jobs .. but ever looked into the life of one who spends 4 years of his life in a totally alien land and learns the value and essence of being by associating with others and developing compassion? Human emotions gain strength and a resurgence of the imaginative and sentimental occurs even amongst the most hard set as we realise that the magical journey through 4 years of rigorous training and enjoyment is approaching completion. The ups and downs we faced, the sorrow, the celebrations, the constant blabber, the philosophical deliberations, the pranks .. oh gawd am so gonna miss all that !!

Don't want to sound all mushy and sentimental .. neither do I want the topic to become a drag .. so will conclude here .. but value my friends a lot and hope they realise that too :-)

Duur jaake bhi mujhse, tum meri yaadon me rehna ..
kabhi alvida na kehna ..

Subconsciously screwed

Had a hearty meal last night with my floor mate .. had home-cooked chicken with vintage French wine .. and above all there was amongst us ma beloved .. ma love .. ma inspiration .. tee hee .. wondering who she is ? ;-) But of course who else apart from the 'beautiful bitch who scored on so many dimwits' :P Really anxious now ain't ya? Well ma sweetheart .. Philosophy .. who else?

People are under the false impression that philosophers are great thinkers and are able to look beyond the obvious. All philosophers do is that they actually look at the obvious while all others are busy elsewhere in their ignorant interpretations of life and its purpose. Philosophy is like ecstacy .. the more you get involved .. the lighter you feel - an addiction - that is what it is !! Am addicted to ma love but have seen worse cases .. everything for 'em becomes a question .. analysing everything .. dissecting the abstract human emotion and ending up with a torn and shredded scrap of what was once a beautiful blossoming concept related to the abstract !!

Damn I hate philosophising at times .. just makes me nauseous at the thought of having to think abt each and every thing !! For once would it not be worthwhile to jus' let be whateva is there ?! But as I said its an addiction and no patch is there for the kind .. c'mon am saying it here on da blog and accpeting but am sure that the habit won't vanish .. how more frustrating can it get than this ;-)

But nonetheless love ma darlin' and am happy with who I am and the way I have shaped out to become -- guess I jus' love being myself !! The worst thing you could eva do to yourself is to change for sth that was neva worth its while !! Don't jus' read ma posts but Ponder.

Gotcha !! ;-)

Race, colour, creed .. what a load of bull crap goin' round the world nowadays. People get agitated over such issues and heated altercations result. I ask why ? When sth so irrational can be dealt with simple application of wit and attitude, why crib repeatedly and create such hue and cry. If you're still wondering why I am being so indifferent to the issue well lemme relate to you an anecdote that dates to no longer than a few days ago when I left Stuttgart for Vienna.

Had just checked in my accompanied baggage at the Germanwings counter and was on my way to the terminal to board the flight 4U 2756 to Vienna. As soon as I reached the security check counters, got in queue that was being examined by a burly 6' 4" German - trust me this guy was scary !! As a routine, I removed my belt, wallet and keys and deposited 'em in the basket and started walking when a heavy voice called "Entschuldigung!!". I turned around to see 'scary' pointing towards my pocket and it took me a few seconds to realise that he was questioning me 'bout the boarding pass peeping out of my pocket. With a smile I held it out for him and informed that it was just my boarding pass. But as is usually the case, nothing normal happens with me .. I was 'told' to place the pass in the basket and alongwith all other belongings - my watch, tissue pack, chewing gum, print-out of the ticket confirmation, passport etc. while the European behind me was allowed to pass through without much ado. All this time I was just looking at the stern face 'scary' had made as if he was dealing with a scumbag that is supposedly filth on the face of this earth. In every likeness the intial emotion I experienced during all this was a rush of rage that made me go red, but then I remembered how one of my friends had got the better of someone rude in a very dignified manner and that inspired the mischief in me and the agitated temple relaxed into a simple grin on my face :P Having placed everything in the basket I proceeded to the metal detector and before I could be examined, started yelling 'Beep !! Beep !!' :D Wondering what the hell got into me ?? LOL Thats exactly what the people nearby started thinkin' .. well I went back and walked up to 'crazy' and said "Scheisse!! Ich hab das vergessen!!" and very neatly placed the piece of gum I had been chewing for the past hour in front of him .. gave the lady officer standing next to him a wink .. at which she burst out laughing .. turned 180° and walked back to the detector ..

To be honest, I was kinda scared 'crazy' might get mad and pound me to death, so I jus' played the prank and got the hell outta there .. but would have given anything to see that dumbfounded look on his face when I got the better of him ;-) Hope you get my point of bending the situation to get one up on the agitator .. guess this is what Oscar Wilde always advocated :-)

Compassion.

Received the following incident as a forward .. have a read through and realise the essence of being compassionate.

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child" Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench, put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still
behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay wasscheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out
of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!"

Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. As Shay neared third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and
workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all
have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things." So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity to brighten the day
of those with us the least able, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

From Martha .. with love

Its very peculiar - how the most trivial of things can affect your life in a way that leaves a lasting impression and makes you realise things never thought of before. This time, for me it was a very sweet old lady, and I'd call her a lady not a woman because of the grace and dignity I saw in the twinkle of her eye that was far more precious than the depth and beauty of even the most famous work of art.

Friday evening was the usual boring simulation stuff and upon that I had a very fruitful meeting with my prof. A very simple craving popped up inside me to have ice-cream, sounds kinda silly though :P So I set off on foot to the ice-cream parlour in the city centre and on my way I bumped into a puny little figure, frail and tender as if the wind could blow it away with a single whisp. Was reading a document which is why didn't notice what had happened. But I guess the slight knock in the knee brought me back to the present. I turned and saw the tiny figure again trying to balance a bicycle and 2 bags of groceries. 'Twas an old lady, I felt bad, and offered her help. I really envy the German language as it makes even the hardest of sentiment seem polite and well-intended let alone the general stuff. Well having asked her if I could help in German, I got a German reply that was even more polite as she wilfully accepted. As we walked, she talked a bit about stuff - general enquiry about my purpose of stay, etc. - things you generally ask strangers if you happen to get along with one :-) I couldn't help but wonder why would she walk a bicycle if she knew she was going to buy so much stuff. Well the halogen lamp finally glew in my brain and I realised that there's something wrong with the bicycle - the chain had slipped off the gear system. One good thing about us Indians is that whatever can be handled on our own, we master that craft - and one of them is bicycle maintenance ;-) So after asking her politely if I could have a look at it .... got down on both knees and wrapped it right up and woala !! the bicycle was cured ;-) Wondering what was so special about that ?! Hang on .... now the really special moments unfold :-) As I got up, something clasped my head and God was it a firm grip and before I knew it, got a peck on the forehead. I distinctly remember having blanked out at the moment :P It was all so sudden and unexpected that someone could be so thankful for a mere fixing of a bicycle; that they could be so affectionate and full of gratitude for something I never considered a big deal - a triviality that filled me with joy as it made someone else's day too.

Well if you think the story ends here, just hold on it gets more interesting :-) What I just wrote in is a one-off stranger helps stranger account but what I am going to tell you now is something that I wouldn't even have given a probability of one in a billion of ever happening. Saturday - a holiday and time for grocery shopping for me, I went down to Penny Markt (supermarket) to grab stuff for the entire week. As I came out of the supermarket, guess whom I bumped into .. AGAIN !! Yup, same ol' lady ;-) She asked me to wait up for 5 minutes if I could do so, and I still don't know why I agreed to that. At least she was true to her word has she came out after approx. 5 minutes carrying with her a bag full of candies, chocolates, chips etc. - kinda weird for an old lady don't you think? I thought so too, but I let it pass for the time being. Well I told you na German is a very polite language and its this very quality that forced me into complying with her request to walk her home :P We got into talking about a lot of subjects actually and was a very enticing conversation as a matter of fact, where, for the very first time I got views on things from an elderly person. She told me about her past - a half Brit and haf German, her visit to India in the 1950s, her appreciation for Indian culture, hospitality etc. The conversation became so informal that I drew up the courage to ask her about the chocolates, to which she gave me a fair enough response - her grandson was visiting her that day :-) Time passed by and I didn't realise that I had actually walked her to the Bahnhof (train station). It was time for lunch and she invited me over, but my hunger gave way to politeness and I declined :( She insisted once or twice and gave up. As I bid adieu and turned away to walk back to my hostel, she lay her hand on my shoulder - the warmth was soothing - inexplicable !! I turned back around and she handed me a pack of 3 Mars bars. I refused instantaneously saying that it was for her grandson and he'd be happy to have 'em. The reply I got shall remain in my memory forever - it meant a lot - the words shall echo as a reminiscence of the day I walked her home - "In the past 2 days sonny, you have been more than a grandson to me and if anything, I wish you were my grandson in reality" , followed by a very petit smile, a Mona Lisa I daresay. A sudden rush of emotion took the form of a large wave inside me and instinctively I bent down to touch her feet. She caressed my hair and uttered again in her very feeble yet sweet voice "God bless you my child, you are very special, shall never forget the 'Junge aus Indien' ". With these words she turned around and walked slowly towards the pavement leading up the other side of the Bahnhof. Absolutely dumbstruck, I stood there for at least a minute wondering at what had just passed.

People crib about stuff all life long and forget that the very special moments in life are to be treasured and that these small instances can change your life forever and make you realise the purpose of being what you are - a facet you never knew, a feeling you never acknowledged was inside you. Of all the things I missed the most at the Bahnhof, my camera tops the list, coz it was something in that very special moment that I wanted to capture on film and treasure it for all my life. Yet the more I think about those days, the more the impression deepens and the clearer everything gets in my memory - a very sweet lady came along and without any effort did the most simplest things and brought a smile to my face. To some of you this may sound a load of crap and nothing special, but I totally understand, you would have to live that moment to realise how it affected me - it sannot be described in words - but whatever be the case - will cherish these 3 Mars bars for a very long time :-)

An enquiry into "Twin Paradox"

Consider a pair of brothers, identical twins. One gets a job as an astronaut and rockets into deep space. The other stays on Earth. When the traveling twin returns home, he discovers he's younger than his brother.
This is Einstein's Twin Paradox, and although it sounds strange, it is absolutely true. The theory of relativity tells us that the faster you travel through space, the slower you travel through time. Rocketing to Alpha Centauri is a good way to stay young.

Or is it?

Some researchers are beginning to believe that space travel could have the opposite effect. It could make you prematurely old. The problem with Einstein's paradox is that it doesn't fold in biology—specifically, space radiation and the biology of aging.

While the astronaut twin is hurtling through space, his chromosomes are exposed to penetrating cosmic rays. This can damage his telomeres—little molecular "caps" on the ends of his DNA. Here on Earth, the loss of telomeres has been linked to aging.
So far, the risk hasn't been a major concern: The effect on shuttle and space station astronauts, if any, would be very small. These astronauts orbit inside of Earth's protective magnetic field, which deflects most cosmic rays.

But by 2018, NASA plans to send humans outside of that protective bubble to return to the moon and eventually travel to Mars. Astronauts on those missions could be exposed to cosmic rays for weeks or months at a time. Naturally, NASA is keen to find out whether or not the danger of "radiation aging" really exists, and if so, how to handle it.

Science is only now beginning to look at the question. The reality is, very little information about [the link between] radiation and telomere loss. With support from NASA, Scientists are studying the problem. What they learn about aging could benefit everyone, on Earth and in space.

Like the fuse of a time bomb, telomeres are long strands of repeating DNA that shorten each time a cell divides. When the telomeres become too short, the cell's time is up: It can no longer divide, a state of affairs known as "replicative senescence."

Without this built-in fuse, human cells would be able to continue growing and dividing indefinitely. In fact, scientists believe that cells evolved telomeres as a way of preventing the out-of-control cell growth of cancerous tumors. Because of telomeres, most human cells can only divide 50 to 100 times before the time bomb goes off.

One current theory of aging holds that, as the cells of a person's body start to hit this telomere-imposed limit, the lack of fresh, new cells causes the typical signs of aging: wrinkled skin, failing organs, weaker immune system, etc.

Whether or not telomere loss actually causes aging remains a matter of debate. The fact that shortened telomeres go hand in hand with aging is well documented. People with shorter telomeres, for example, are known to not live as long on average as people with longer telomeres. But mere correlation doesn't prove whether telomeres are in fact the cause.

Well it's hard to prove cause and effect in these things. But there's a sufficient number of these correlative studies from a variety of different investigators that one has to start believing that short telomeres are a marker of aging.
Recent research, performed by Frank Cucinotta and colleagues, showed that iron-nuclei radiation (a chief component of cosmic rays) does indeed damage the telomeres of human cells. To prove this, they exposed laboratory dishes containing a kind of human blood cell called lymphocytes to beams of both iron nuclei and gamma rays. Until recently, such a thorough analysis of telomere damage would have been prohibitively time consuming. But a new cell-staining technique called RxFISH (Rainbow cross-species Fluorescence In Situ Hybridization) allowed Cucinotta and his colleagues to look at many telomeres simultaneously.

"We had this surprising result that iron particles are much more damaging to telomeres than gamma rays," Cucinotta says. He suggests that this difference might be due to the wider path of damage caused by iron nuclei. Telomere strands wrap into elongated loops, like little knots on the ends of chromosomes. Gamma rays can only strike one side of these loops or the other, but iron nuclei can affect both sides at the same time, inflicting lasting damage on the telomere—possibly causing its complete deletion. This explanation is still speculative.

The task now is to quantify the risk telomere damage might pose to astronauts, so that mission managers and the astronauts themselves can make informed decisions about the risks they face. For example, astronauts who have had the greatest exposure to space radiation, such as the Apollo astronauts who traveled to the Moon, tend to get cataracts about 7 years earlier than other astronauts, on average. Cataracts are a common symptom of aging.

Of greater concern is possible aging of the brain and spinal cord. Experiments with rats have shown that brain tissue is vulnerable to "aging" by iron-nuclei radiation-this according to research by Jim Joseph of Tufts University and Bernie Rabin at the University of Maryland.

However, if scientists can tease apart the exact ways that iron-particle radiation affects telomeres, they may be able find a way to avoid or correct it. The solution could be as simple as a pill containing DNA-repair molecules. For the time being all we can do is to wait and watch or may be get little involved.

Art Of Blogging

It may be said that there are three kinds of bloggers. In the first place, there are those who blog without thinking. They write from memory, from reminiscences, or even direct from other people’s blogs. This class is the most numerous. In the second, those who think whilst they are blogging. They think in order to blog; and they are numerous. In the third place, there are those who have thought before they begin to blog. They write solely because they have thought; and they are rare !

But although the number of those bloggers who really and seriously think before they write is small, only extremely few of them think about the subject itself; the rest think only about the articles written on the concerned subject, and what has been said by others upon it. In order to think, they must have the more direct and powerful incentive of other people’s thoughts. These become their next theme, and therefore they always remain under their influence and are never, strictly speaking, original. On the contrary, the former are roused to thought through the subject itself, hence their thinking is directed immediately to it. It is only among them that we find the authors whose names become immortal (sorry e-immortal).

If a blogger has something to say that is worth saying, he need not envelop it in affected expressions, involved phrases, and enigmatical style; but he may rest assured that by expressing himself in a simple, clear, and naive manner he will not fail to produce the right effect. But on the contarary we find many bloggers implicitly displaying their poverty of ideas, mind, and knowledge. A great number of bad bloggers seek out their existence entirely by the foolishness of the e-public, which only will read what has just been written without putting anyconscious effort to ‘understand’ the head and tail of the subject.

Obscurity and vagueness of expression are at all times and everywhere a very bad sign. In 99 % of cases they arise from vagueness of thought, which, in its turn, is almost always fundamentally discordant, inconsistent, and therefore wrong. When a right thought springs up in the mind it strives after clearness of expression, and it soon attains it, for clear thought easily finds its appropriate expression. A man who is capable of thinking can express himself at all times in clear, comprehensible, and unambiguous words. Those bloggers who construct difficult, obscure, involved, and ambiguous phrases most certainly do not rightly know what it is they wish to say: they have only a dull consciousness of it, which is still struggling to put itself into thought; they also often wish to conceal from themselves and other people that in reality they have nothing to say. Like many blogs that I have seen of my batchmates in sastra, they wish to appear to know what they do not know, to think what they do not think, and to say what they do not say.

Truth that is naked is the most beautiful, and the simpler its expression the deeper is the impression it makes; this is partly because it gets unobstructed hold of the reader’s mind without his being distracted by secondary thoughts, and partly because he feels that here he is not being corrupted or deceived by the arts of rhetoric, but that the whole effect is got from the thing itself. A blogger should guard against using all unnecessary rhetorical adornment, all useless amplification, and in general, just as in architecture he should guard against an excess of decoration, all superfluity of expression. Everything that is redundant has a harmful effect (except in RDBMS !). The law of simplicity applies to all fine art, for it is compatible with what is most sublime.

A blogger must always try to say what is worth saying with true brevity of expression, while avoiding diffuse explanations of things which everyone can think out for themselves… and if all this you could have thought without me giving a small assistance then may be I should apologise for wasting your precious time !!

NON-VERBALITY OF THOUGHT


Is verbalization necessary for thought ? Well am not going to convince you for a 'yes' or a 'no'. All I am going to do here is to take you to the different intellectual planes of reasoning where you will be responsible for your own stand.

Well first of all I would like to quote Mr. Albert Einstein on this mater:

"the word or the languages, as they are written or spoken, do not seem to play any role in my mechanism of thought. The psychical entities which serve as the elements of thought are certain signs and more or less clear images which can be "voluntarily" reproduced and combined... The above mentioned elements are, in my case, of visual and some muscular type. Conventional words or other signs have to be sought for laboriously only in the second stage, when the mentioned associative play is sufficiently established and can be reproduced at will."

So far as I have observed all our thinking is done visually in terms of non-verbal concepts, although the thoughts are often accompanied by inane and almost useless verbal commentary such as "that thing goes with that and that thing goes with that thing."

Often we have difficulty translating our thoughts into words (Even people with good vocab face this problem). Often the reason is that there are not enough words available to express the concepts that are required. And most of the time these concepts are innate feelings and deep thoughts that rise only to find that they don't have the right word to which they can cling and float for others to see.
As a related observation I had notices, on occasion, that if I have been concentrating hard for some while on something of my interest and someone tries to engage me suddenly in conversation then I would find myself almost unable to speak for several seconds.

hmmmm.. But this is not to say that we do not sometimes think in words. It is just that we find it useless in most of creative art like doing maths, science, painting etc. Other kinds of thinking like philosophizing, seem to be much better suited to verbal expression... May be because they(philosophers) immerse themselves into the meaning of 'words' like life, mind, matter, body, etc and their associative 'meaning' they don't reach to any definitive answers, And I feel unconscious mind( I don't know what the last two words mean in terms or language! ) still holds a lot of secrets which are hard for 'words' to explore and make sense( means ?).

As I write this post am pretty much convinced that much sophisticated conscious thinking can be done without verbalization and I insist that words are totally absent from my mind when I really think and I fully agree with Mr. Schopenhauer when he writes, "thoughts die the moment they are embodied with words".

May be we can think without words, but to communicate, to appreciate, to abuse, to be known, and to 'some' degree to show our consciousness we need 'the art of word and its maintenance' and may be this is the reason why many philosophers seem to be of the opinion that language is essential for intelligent thought.

Now if I 'think' where I stand on this issue then my answer will be
ummm.... :)

A promise

People often think of the past with deep regret for the fact that it cannot be relived either to experience it again or change - whatever be their desire. This craving doesn't get attenuated with time but infact is bolstered with the numerous tensions that accompany passing time. We tend to believe that beneath the stains of time, feelings disappear and people change. Wouldn't disagree but just want to make a few observations - is this change permanent or transient, who brings this change into effect, do we have any say in the change and if so can we stop ourselves from changing? An instant reaction to all these questions would be to simply blurt out that it all depends on the change but all I'd like to ask is that who decides what character the change has - good or evil? At times this decision can be taken based on certain norms and principles we define for ourselves but usually its not that 'einfach' (simple). Life is very subjective in nature and such objectivity is very rare to find in reality. One may wonder at this juncture as to whether my support lies for change or against it .... and to that I can only smile and say that does it matter?

If you're still lost wondering about the purpose of this post, let me bring you out of your misery and clear up the hazy parts. I guess I have changed over the past few weeks and believe that am still in transition. People tend to judge you by the way you present yourself to them and hardly ever strive to dig in deeper. Change need not have any character and can affect any aspect of your life and to this point I agree that often situations force you to change, but in the end isn't it upto us to let that change take control of our priorities or make that change adjust with our lives? We may be sitting ducks but at least we have the determination and will power to channel that change in a way that does not prove to be detrimental to us !! Why is it then that people whom you hold dear fear your changing? Why does a sense of insecurity arise with people who are sure of your being beside them for life when they speculate about the future? No matter how much you assure and constantly stress your committment, their fear persists and in the end you give up on it - or should you ? If you do then aren't you in effect making sure the fear of your loved ones is realised? And if you don't what do you do ? In a fix now aren't we ?

I can't talk about each and every single individual but can surely tell you that if its a promise that I make then its one I am going to keep, come what may. A promise that can be broken with a change in you is not worth making in the first place but if you are sure that no force of nature or reason can budge you from the committment you made to your loved ones, your friends, your love then there should be no reason for the one you made that promse to ever feel insecure and I guess this is a message I'd like to convey to those who fear a loss and in the process let go off the present and the opportunity of what could have been the time of their lives. Live the moment and believe in your trust for the other person and if the answer from within comes that nothing would ever change between the two of you whatever life has in store for you only then would you reach a state of ecstacy and a feeling of warmth that'll kindle your soul for eternity :-)

There and back again

Its been a long time since I last visited Vienna and yesterday while roaming the same streets I felt like having a deja vu, though believe me the city has transformed a lot from being beautiful to awesome. It just leaves you spellbound with all its marvellous architecture, picturesque surroundings and serene atmosphere. Yet amongst all this 'chehal-pehal' in a city I love, I couldn't stop my heart from ailing as my longing to be in India came as a total surprise to me, considering the fact I despise Indian system so much. One never really understands completely the significance of what one has until sth occurs that devoids you of the thing you always took for granted. I don't mean to sound all mushy now coz I know its a phase that'll soon fade out, but its just that wanting to be in India again - that feeling - was totally alien to me till yesterday. More so coz of the fact that everywhere I turn there's not a familiar Indian face to look at but the strange gestures a few ppl here make when they come across an Asian (God !! when will these ppl ever grow up ;-) )

Am finding it a bit difficult to express my true feelings right now coz am caught up with that same home-sickness which I try to steer clear of every now and then. The ppl here have been really polite and helpful plus I got to make 4 Indian friends all of whom are jovial - not the khadoos sort :P - but still there's a corner of my heart that sinks heavy at the very thought of being so far away from home. It seems like am falling into an abyss and the more I struggle to get out of it, the more I get sucked in and tortured till I give in to the circumstances. Okay am getting off topic here, but still would have loved to enjoy the moment and not have to worry abt India :P I know it sounds a bit silly, but then that's who I am :D

Again bored you all na LOL Don't worry you're gonna get that a lot now that I have an excellent workstation to work on ;-)

I just wanna feel

Am back after a short break, but it seems ages since i visited my blog and scribbled something down. Guess the human fallacy of attention took over my craving for writing for a moment :P Doesn't matter as long as I know that the things I wrote down are a reflection of me and can help me realise what and why I am. Its hardly ever bothered me what the people around me thought of the way I am, but recently such a turn of events has occurred that has forced me into a shell, a sort of protective shield I've built around myself to stay at a distance from the issues rather than being the true me and standing upto them. I don't want to blame any factor for whatever changes have taken place in my life recently, despite knowing how much i hate change. Well a reason I can't blame anything is that one of those changes is a pretty welcome one and I mean when I say 'pretty' ;-) Yet in all this merriment there's a looming disappointment and a strangling tension that tugs at me every now and then. I have disappointed two of my best friends - Pramod and Mani for reasons I never could have dreamt about. Though I don't want to sound like a total arsehole but I guess am not entirely at fault here. And believe me my friends are not at fault AT ALL.

Am at crossroads where the usually decisive me has been torn into indecision because I had always used my logic approach to tackle the problems I faced, but now the situation is different - its about compassion, trust, friendship and lots more. A lot is at stake and I doubt the prowess of my brain to be able to deal with all these variables at once in a structured and defined way. Its a matter of the heart and true emotion, all I ask for is the feeling to know what to do and what not to .... coz I just wanna feel :-) I know I ought not to have taken names but my sense of guilt is driving me raving mad, and its not so much the fact that I did something wrong that makes me guilty but the very fact that both of 'em never expressed any anger or emotion over the matter is what makes me fall into the abyss even further down. I know I may sound a pathetic prick here who didn't value what he has, but had that been so I would never have had the guts to come up with this post in the very first place.

Spineless - I am not - for I know how hard it may be to expect from someone and not get the same in return, yet the very concept of expectation is what defines the strength of the realtionship. I know a lot of people may disagree, however, its my perspective and take on life and I welcome anyone to comment otherwise, though I highly doubt that happening (am not a girl u see ;-) )

I have been rambling on for a long time now, so I guess I shall cease to bore you from here on (lol - you didn't think I was serious did ya ? Will always keep putting you to sleep through my posts :P ). Am feeling a bit down at the moment, couldn't get to speak with any of the friends I tried calling, but nonetheless, at least visited my blog as an excuse :P. Hoping for some comments .... ahh screw it .... not expecting a lot from anyone :D

Blowin' in the wind

Went for a stroll in the evening to enjoy the gentle breeze - a welcome reprieve from the scorching heat :-) But little did I suspect that it'd pose a big Q on my life. Not getting my point na ? :P Don't worry, neither am I ... Okay let me be more obvious - how much is enough, when do we stop and rethink our life - how we live it. My priorities as an engineer had long been set - am no GEEK (and don't you dare laugh Nandu) - but still very square when it comes to academia. No wonder everyone associates us with a rigid head :-( Damn for once wouldn't it be a wonderful change to stop and let things be as they were instead of worrying of every minute detail, am tired of running for my whole life - feel like being free for some time - need a breather badly.

I know if I continue this way I'll end up like one of the nerds whose life's defined by those 9-6 working hours - and I don't want that - it was meant to be so much more and I know that. Still I can never get to grip with the idea of letting go of the run I've been a part of my entire life - its been an integral part of who I am - is it so easy to let go of something you grew up with? It's fine as long as you aren't aware of the things you miss, but it builds a turmoil inside you when you realise that all you really wanted got quashed in your pursue of more material goals. Can't I desire both? Is it too much of an ask?

Would it ever make sense to give up what your brain feeds on for something your heart aches for? Dunno the answer but am sure its somewhere out there - just blowin' in the wind - waiting for someone to guide me to it :-)

Funnily enough :-)

Am a cynic, and to an extent am proud of it :P Its a quality like many others that comes with its pros and cons. I know what you're thinkin' right now - "not all that analytical blah blah again .... gosh make this freak of nature SHUT UP !! " - don't blame ya at all - get psyched out myself :P Anyway, coming to the point, had a horrid experience while leaving Calcutta after finishing my internship - don't lose hope - am not complaining, just read on :-) Got swindled, had to bribe a few greedy arseholes (NO apologies for the foul lang. - who cares - its my blog :P) but all the same felt the usual agony and pain of wanting to throw a tantrum but restraining due to my sense of self-conscience. But this time round, tried something different - a remedy to all the problems - a smile :-) Surprised na? But funnily enough it works - believe me - just smile at whatever happened - and you'll float into the air and look down at it all from a third perspective (the first's mine and the second the other person's) - and see how ridiculous it all seems - the way we agonise and complain on all trivialities when the greater meaning is all hidden in your sense of being alive and enjoying what you have in the moment. A smile can make the hardest of situations seem a piece-of-cake, it can make all misery vanish and replace it with a reason and purpose of existence - the purpose for which we are blessed with feelings - to spread happiness and content even among those who deserve it the least - it gives you a contentment that shows on the grin with which you wake up every morning after that, happy to have made an ocean of difference in someone's life.

How we restrain our mind to wander off into undiscovered territories - how scared are we to explore the unknown. Am not going off-topic, as a matter-of-fact never felt so much at ease writing about something - this has no brains in it - its all from the heart ;-) So just follow my lead and go wherever this article leads you, even if its nowhere why bother? Haven't you ever felt the urge to let go and simply float into space - completely weightless and devoid of any forces pulling at you :-) Ahh can just feel that now - how light, how effervescent, how soothing ....

We must learn in life to let go, the harder you try to hold a fistful of sand, the easier it slides out of your grip - experience, ponder, relate, enjoy, but never fret on what happened ..... the world is yours to explore, you're the measure of your world. Never underestimate your potential - you could mean the world to someone or someone could mean the world to you and whichever way it may be - you are a significant figment of reality and without your happiness the world would never be complete. There's always room for another smile :-)

An Indian Awakening

It might seem a little odd that such praise is originating from me, but whatever be the limitations my nation faces, it has always stood the test of time come what may. I'd just like to harbour upon two aspects related to current affairs in India - the Jessica Lal murder case and the corruption level. The mistrial of the former led to an outburst of public emotion and such was the effect of this hue-and-cry that the entire nation awoke to the injustice being served to the innocent spirit of the lady. Public pressure enforced a retrial of the accused and though it may not result in a complete turnover of previous decisions, it has ensured that the police maintain a constant vigil and that the dormant judicial system get its act together and bring the defaulters down. Several cases have been concluded favourably for the victims since the reopening of the Lal murder case and the convicted who would have otherwise escaped law owing to their position and status in society are being punished. Its just the beginning, which shall soon spread to the other infected areas that have let us down in the past.

Drawing away from the societal nature, the aspect of corruption is very interesting indeed. We generally criticise corruption for what it entails and the feeling of disgust transforms into a blind belief system. Though corruption is prevalent at almost every level here, we still manage to uphold our pride, are one of the fastest growing economies of the world and have developed at a rate surprisingly inappropriate for a country which comes in at a low 88th when it comes to degree of corruption. Come to think of it, we are almost at par with several corrupt nations of Africa that have been recently at war (internal) but the difference is astounding when we observe the standard of living here. The reason for all this is that though we have a corrupt system, we have always somehow managed to get corrupt people into positions who are good at their jobs, know their work well, though they demand far more ;-) . Corruption exists but the corrupt fulfill their duties - so basically it is this corruption that also fuels the progress of our nation - all we need to realise now is that we can move forward and still benefit without this ingredient and still be well off - wake up India - we're half way there - just need to cover the latter half of the journey and we'll be liberated :-)

Would love to write more but I guess, you all took the hint ;-)

'Yeh dil maange more'

(this heart craves for more)

If tampering with the education system wasn't enough, we Indians inch closer towards 'armageddon' by suffocating the corporate world as well. It seems that our respectable Prime Minister and the ever-complaining panel of ministers are adamant on losing every shred of self-respect and dignity, going so far as to demand reservation quotas for backward classes in the private industrial sector as well. Yaar seriously, Pepsi hit the bull's eye with 'Yeh pyaas hai badi' ;) (being a bit cynical - can't help it)

If quotas have been expanded in the education field to give 'talented' youth more opportunities then why worry about them getting a job, I am sure with their knowledge and expertise they are sure to land up a very respectable job with an even larger booty after completing graduation etc. :P

I am very sure our corporate majors would take care of the proper enactment of reservation very well, and to hell with global competition - we are self-sufficient, we don't want to compete in the global arena - we are a class apart 'Hum Hindustani' - wotsay? ;)

We are giving a new sense to the uproar of 'Vande Mataram' - God help us all :)

Enjoy the silence

Have you ever wondered about the consequences of questioning the basis of society? One may counter-question as to what constitutes the basis - to which answers shall vary among individuals. An important element that defines the social nature of homo sapiens is - interaction. Predominantly we tend to relate to each other by way of speech as compared to other senses (I am also considering the debatable "sixth sense"), to the extent that more often than not we lend ourselves to believe in what we hear without actually considering the inner meaning. This limitation buds from the inadequacies of language. Language was developed as a tool to aid understanding and compassion among people, but instead it metamorphosed into the means by which we define character and pass judgements.

One may simply put off the subject as inconsequential and I doubt that few would be able to understand what I am trying to deliver here because of the simple fact that it is rather difficult to express the true spirit of the matter by using such well defined indicators - "words". How can one portray the abstract by using the concrete, which is why poetry remains a mystery amongst many who fail to delve into the realms of the poet's thoughts. Poetry appeals to one and many because of the mysteries and twists it entails - would such levels of abstraction have been possible if only words were used, would it not have been more effective had the poet been able to make you feel the poetry first hand without having to describe it to you?

I agree poetry is a tricky area, so I shall venture no furhter before you close my blog out of boredom :) I would love to write more on the subject, but maybe at some later date, for the time being here's a few lines for you to enjoy:

Words like violence

Break the silence

Come crashing in

Into my little world

Painful to me

Pierce right through me

Can't you understand

Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted

All I ever needed

Is here in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only do harm

Vows are spoken

To be broken

Feelings are intense

Words are trivial

Pleasures remain

So does the pain

Words are meaningless

And forgettable

All I ever wanted

All I ever needed

Is here in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only do harm

Enjoy the silence

Tis' all a farce !!

In an era witnessing concerted efforts in dissolving all barriers of discrimination, the Indian government bowls the entire student fraternity over with its Mandal II proposition.

I had wanted my first blog to be non-critical and abstract, but it seems we can all agree - thats not gonna happen! For long I have been an avid critique of the Indian education system, but just as one starts expecting that matters can't get any worse, the system pulls one mean trick right out of the hat. Before delving into any further discussion on the topic I just want the reader to know that this is a grudge I have against the system and not held personally with any individual or group. Anyhow, I do hope after reading this article you ponder over the credibilty of the points and how they measure up to your views :) .

It has been often stated that the reservation quota is to allow for the backward classes to be able to avail academic and employment opportunities which are otherwise not accessible to them. To this effect two major steps have been taken thus far - lowering the admission bar for candidates of "reserved" categories and reserving a sizeable number of seats for the same. Before we get all judgemental that its a step in the right direction and all sorts of balogne, I'd like to draw attention to a few points.

• Lowering the admission bar ensures that under-achievers get through, which backfires since these candidates suffer by not being able to compete in the same arena as their colleagues who got through on the basis of merit only; the end result being humiliation and lack of self-respect. If anything, it only broadens the gap between the reserved and general categories as a feeling of animosity starts to bud in the midst of all the discrimination and embarassment.
• Since most backward factions are primarily concerned with the monetary factor of not being able to afford the education, how does it help by increasing the number of seats for the same? It is absolutely ridiculous since the system isn't giving these economically under-privileged groups an opportunity to afford the tuition fee and at the same time you're disallowing deserving candidates to gain admission due to the inappropriate distribution of number of seats. So one has to first analyse what the priorities of such groups are - money or seats - and only then can one take a reasonable decision.
• Most of the reservation system has been aimed at central universities. Has the government not overlooked the condition of primary education - how many children from the under-privileged classes attend primary schooling? If the basic fundamentals are not spread to the masses what good would it do to benefit only a select few? One may consider the possiblity that the same reservation system may be extended to schools but as stated above, it is not a remedy, it is rather a deperate attempt at increasing the vote bank and washing their hands of a significant issue through such makeshift measures.
• By increasing the number of seats and making it easier for the candidates of a reserved category to seek admission to some of the premier institutes of India, are we not discouraging these students from learning and competing for a respectable position. By easing the whole procedure, the reserved candidate won't even bother preparing well for the exam because he/she would very well know that even a very small/negligible effort would reap rich dividends. It is absolutely hilarious to learn that in the past IITs have taken reserved category students who have actually scored '0' in their joint entrance exams. Are we not encouraging such irresponsible candidates and endangering our future by making them believe that just by their ancestral linkage they can procure anything they desire?
• The politicians talk of reaching to the masses and providing equal opportunities to all by the way of such reservation quotas. My question to them is a simple one - if you can allow reserved category candidates to become doctors and engineers by producing sub-standard results, then why do you refer to doctors outside our country for advice on your own personal problems? Why the hell does VP Singh get treatment from abroad, does he doubt the capabilities of the same doctor whom he so proudly allowed admission only on the basis of his "caste" and nothing else? Think people!! Don't just get carried away with the talk of patriotism and humanity posed by these two-faced suck-ups.

I could go on forever, but I guess the above should be enough to get someone thinking as to what might have been missed when passing a judgement on the issue. Again I do not want people to agree or disagree, just to open up their minds and view the situation in a broader perspective, especially my comrades for whom this proposition has been presented - do you want to be counted out as belonging to a particular "reserved" category? Do you always want to be singled out as a pitiful case - what has happened to all the talk of equality and no caste-based discrimination - did it only hurt when you were at the receiving end of it - is it not inappropriate now that undue advantage is being offered? I belong to a middle-class family and all I'd like to say to finish this discussion is that whatever be the reservation scenario, its always the "general" middle-class that bears the brunt of it all.